We had a harrowing weekend. Our cat was murdered. Brutally. By a dog.
We don’t adopt animals casually. I might, but Ricky doesn’t. We’d had a little peek-a-poo for nearly 14 years and when she drowned in our pool three months after my mother died in 1999, we were devastated. Thought we’d never get over it and vowed never have another pet. But not quite a year later a yellow tabby cat started hanging around the house. Ricky was adamant. We were not keeping him. He belonged to someone. Blah, blah, blah. I asked around and no one claimed him. One neighbor said he was coming around eating her cats’ food and she’d started feeding them inside so he couldn’t get to it. She said she thought he was wormy. I’ll never forget that. It actually hurt my feelings.
He got in a bad fight and needed medical attention. Since no one claimed him, I took him to the vet and he officially became ours. Ricky named him Buster. But “he’s not coming in the house!” Yeah, right. He came and went as he pleased. I’d have kept him in the house all the time to keep him away from all the outside dangers, but he’d have been miserable and we’d have been miserable trying to keep him in.
The vet said he wasn’t quite a year old when he came to us. Through the years there were other fights even though he was neutered. I always blamed the bully cats in the neighborhood. Once they were gone, the fights were few and far between.
He’d had a rough early life. There was a little nick from the tip of one ear and the skin on one of his back toenails was loose. He’d had to fend for himself, eating whatever he could catch or find. So we made life a lot better for him. I’d scold him when he so proudly brought me a poor, dead chipmunk and plopped it down to bleed on my den carpet.
The last couple of weeks he was especially loving toward me. Every night he’d snuggle with me on the sofa. I wondered more than once if something was about to happen and he sensed it. Too, my stomach was in knots for about two weeks. Just a general apprehension.
Friday night he was on top of my car about 5:30-6:00. We went to Wal-Mart around 6:30 or so. When we came back he wasn’t there to meet us and he was always around when we brought bags in from the store. He always wanted to know if we got him some new snacks. We had this time, but he didn’t show up. We called and called. Shook his food bag. That would usually get his attention. Still no Buster. His friend who we call “Gray Kitty” came up to us. Now, Gray Kitty never let us get close to him. If we walked out, he’d run away. But this night, he kept rather close. Coming up to the back door, getting close under the carport when I was there calling and even running to the front porch when I called out there. I even wondered if he was trying to tell us something.
I dozed off and on through the night, getting maybe a total of 3 hours of sleep. It was so unlike him to stay out all night with it cold. Spring or summer maybe, but not in the cold. I kept hoping he’d gone in someone’s outbuilding when they weren’t looking and they’d locked him up inside. Morning came and I walked the neighborhood. No sign. I decided to walk the back yard better and there he was. Apparently he was attacked and able to get away to run to the back yard. It’s fenced, but there’s a spot he can crawl under. He must have run until he collapsed. Probably in shock.
Of course I play the whole thing, start to finish, over and over in my mind, but I honestly don’t think there was anything we could have done. Even if we were home and heard the commotion, we’d have had to watch him die. To reach a vet after hours like that, and move him, it would not have gone well. He might have been in the house if we were home, but I doubt it.
I miss him so much. My heart is so heavy. Tears so near the surface.
I considered not writing this. I can’t handle Rainbow Bridge stuff or gushy condolences. But it does seem to help the healing by talking about it. I do know our animals have spirits or maybe souls. Our Buffy proved that to us when my parents’ dog, and her friend, Cutie died. Buffy, who was nearly blind, saw Cutie’s spirit and even ran and played with her for a few minutes. There’s no doubt in my mind. We watched that and were amazed. And we know that in Heaven the lion will lay with the lamb. So I don’t believe animals just die. Perhaps their spirits are recycled. Buster had a lot of Buffy’s personality traits and would have been born around the time Buffy died. That was something I wondered about. How and why he picked us, where he came from…
Part of me wants a kitty to snuggle with right now. And never let it out of the house. The other part of me never wants to open myself up for that hurt again. Ricky is adamant – again. No more pets. He’s just as devastated. We’ll see.
Wanda, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to leave a huge personal story, but I lost my boy Mugsy 2 years ago after my hubby accidentally ran him over. I was devastated. It took a long time to get over that day and even think about another kitty. Think of the great life you provided him and all the love he returned to you! (((hugs)))
Oh my Dear, I am so very, very sorry. Those little creatures become our family members! Have you heard of The Rainbow Bridge? Google it, it will bring you comfort. And their is a beautiful childrens book called Cat Heaven that you might find comfort in as well.
Sonya
I’m so sorry to hear about your kitty. THat happened to our kitty, too. A golden retriever in our neighborhood thought it was his duty in life to kill all the cats on his turf. We life in the country so there is nothing we could have done. I hate that so badly for you. I believe animals have spirits, too. God tells us that the animals “were good”. Only good things will be in heaven. You’ll see your furbabies again.
It’s amazing how you can come to care for something so small. You love them just for being around and dependent on you, for the way they have of climbing into the bed or chair with you and just being there — An uncomplicated easy kind of love. I feel for you because I have been there too.
Wanda,I am so sorry about the death of your cat. I know the void is great right now, and you will let another pet come into your life, when you are ready. After losing 4 cats by car accidents, I knew I couldn’t go through that again, but our home wasn’t complete without a cat. We have had our Precious for 6 years and she is strictly a house cat.
I am so sorry about your Buster. My cat, Reggie, was killed by a rotweiler. I hate that dog and all rotweilers, but I know he was just doing his “job” as a dog and really cant be blamed, but his owner can for letting him out.
Animals are so sweet and vulnerable, I think that is why we hurt so when they die. You gave him a wonderful life, he was so lucky to have found you.
I’m so sorry to hear about Buster. Over the years I’ve loved and lost many cats. It never gets any easier. Each time I question why I open my heart to animals, but time passes and once again I fall in love again. There is just something about the comfort of a cat that nothing can take the place of.
What wonderful comments by our blogger friends. Shared grief does ease the pain. Love, Lena
Dear Wanda,
I am so sorry to hear the sad news. You are a good soul and I am sorry this happened.
Oh Wanda ~ I’m so sorry to hear about dear Buster. It’s so difficult to fill the void that an animal leaves because they’re so close to us.
Hugz, Michele
Wanda…so saddened by your story of the loss of your cat, Buster. I lost my sweet yellow lab last year, and still get tearful every time I’m in the backyard by his grave. They become very important parts of our lives. You can say no more…but one day another fur face will appear on your doorstep, knowing someone with a big, loving heart lives there. You’ve gotta let ’em in. *elaine*
I am really sorry to hear about your cat. I wanted to leave my sympathies. I have two puddytats and cant imagine what it would be like. But your compassionate and honest love for animals leads me to plead with you to reconsider adopting again. So many can only dream of having an owner such as you. There are so many that need a home. However, please consider having an indoor only cat. You are not hurting the cat in anyway by doing so.
I keep checking your site to see if you have a new post. The loss of someone special is devastating. But, you will feel better if you get back into your daily routine. It is tough, but it is also an honor to the soul that was lost. You will soon feel them around you to get through your day. Be strong and trudge forward as though he is right there with you. Blessings, kay
Wanda as a fellow animal lover……….I’m crying for you. I’m so sorry. I had one of my cats (my favorite) that got caught by the cyotes. I played it over and over for years. If only. I still think about her and the what if’s. Don’t beat yourself up and feel horrible about the what if’s.
I’m thinking of you. What you and Rick NEED is another little baby kitty! Maybe a little dog, one that can go to the shop with you everyday.
I am so so so terribly sorry.
Love,
Kim